Since leaving for Georgia, and now getting to this point, having been in Guatemala for three weeks, my faith has been stretched a bit, but has mostly been filled in my service to the Lord. A year ago, I would have been struggling because my faith has at times felt directionless, very much like it did last spring. I was attending church, throwing myself fervently into bible studies, doing my best to surround myself with Christian community as best I could but I still felt aimless and unfulfilled spiritually. In retrospect, I now know that I was filling my life with church stuff because that was the predominant image of Christianity that I had to strive after in that time. I didn’t know I was doing church stuff, and not Jesus’ stuff, and that in place of spiritual growth and surrendering to the spirit, I was lost in sin management. I was so focused on saying to myself, ‘ok, not gonna sin, not gonna sin, not murdering is easy so I can check that off now, &c.’ I was going to God, heaping my baggage down at His feet and leaving. I didn’t seek Him for guidance, I didn’t ask what He might be doing in my life or the loves around me because I was a functional deist, effectively believing that He was neither interventional, nor interactable. I would pray to Him, and think He heard me and just hope things worked out and then attribute it to Him if it does and forget it if it does not

That is not faith.

Now that I’m here and I know that He speaks to me (John 16:13), and that we as His flock know His voice (John 10:2-4), and that I want to live in obedience to Him in that (2 John 1:6). The difficult thing now is to hear and perceive the voice of God. I am seeking to spend more time in meditative prayer which is difficult in the time constraints we have after long days of ministry. The goal is also to continually in ministry seek Him out in, before, and after each moment of ministry, as Lysa Terkeust says, “I must exchange whispers with God before the shouts with the world.” In this He gives much needed peace, He centers me, and He moves me to the brink of tears with all that He lifts off my shoulders. Christ was constantly seeking the Father in solitude, and as His ministry grew and the crowds did too, He sought the Father more and more often. How do I think that I could do it on my own, not consulting the Father and yet just expecting to know how to do it on my own when Christ constantly sought the Father’s guidance. Not only that but in this constant seeking of the Father and Spirit, I no longer set my mind on the things of the flesh, but the Spirit, and in that do I find life everlasting and peace (Romans 8:5-6).

The question now, is how do I set my mind on the Spirit, how do I press into Him to hear His voice and live in a life of obedience to the Spirit. The most immediate answer is that I need to spend more of my free time in the word. In that we find what is guaranteed to be the word of God (2 Timothy 3:16) and I find what I already know the Spirit will command me to do, and out of obedience to that will grow faith. In that faith I can press into the Lord to hear His voice, knowing full well that He can speak to me and that He will in His perfect timing. In pressing into Him, I feel I also need to set aside more time in my day to just sit in meditative prayer, receiving and listening to God, if He would give me conviction or encouragement.

I thank Him now, that He has given us some rest as OneWay has brought us to the Isla de Flores, on the occasion of the founder’s birthday. Here I am able to see so much beauty in the world that He has given us and I am also strongly reminded that rest is indeed biblical. Rest is necessary, and in it can we again center ourselves again in Christ and not the task-oriented mindset that I see easily lock myself in. All of my muscles (including my leg) and relax, and spiritually I am as well, and in this state, I am better able to absorb His word and His guidance that I sorely need.

As I end this week’s installment, I just ask that would pray for our ability to continue to minister to the area of Poptun, that we would be able to live in obedience to the Lord, seeking out and hearing His council in all things. I ask that y’all pray for the necessary strength and energy to get through long days and that in every day, no matter the ease or difficulty, that we would rely not on ourselves, but wholly on the steadfastness and strength of the Father, the love and sacrifice of the Son, and the patience and guidance of the Spirit.